Monday, June 25, 2012

Jeep Dealershit

I recently purchased a new Jeep Wrangler, and have been very pleased with my decision to do so.  Three weeks have now passed since I took possession of the vehicle, which made a phone message I received the other night seem all the more peculiar.  It was the Finance Manager from the dealership claiming there was an error made at the time I picked up my vehicle, and they had forgotten to charge me a portion of the agreed upon fee that made up part of the down payment.  He claimed that he’d tried calling me several times before, and that I’ve not been returning his calls, which is entirely false.  Furthermore, I detected an accusing tone in his voice that left me extremely annoyed.

Now I must admit, when I picked up the vehicle, I did question the Salesman I was dealing with about the additional funds that it appeared he had forgotten to charge me.  Upon his review however, he said no, there were no additional funds required.  More than satisfied with his answer, I shook his hand, grabbed the keys, and drove off in my shiny new Jeep, grinning ear to ear all the way home.

Now three weeks after the fact, and upon receiving this odd phone message, I pulled all the paperwork out again and reviewed it line by line to verify whether there was in fact money still owed.  Unfortunately, there was.  According to my math, the discrepancy totalled $648.  I immediately called the Finance Manager back, but there was no answer.  I left a message explaining that despite his claim to the contrary, this was the first time anyone has attempted to contact me regarding this discrepancy, but that I would stop by the dealership the next day so that we could meet and get this sorted out.  I’m an honest guy, and understand that mistakes are sometimes made, but a deal is a deal, and I agreed to pay that money, so I knew that going back and paying the remaining funds was the right thing to do.  So the next day I drove over to the Jeep dealership expecting a quick five minute visit.  Unfortunately, things didn’t play out quite as I expected.

I walked into the dealership and explained that I was there to pay the outstanding balance that I was called about.  The guy who left me the message was off that day, which meant I had to get the Salesman who sold me the Jeep to go find the paperwork.  When he returned, he took me over to the cashier’s desk, and started to ring in the charge, but in the amount of $732.  I stopped him right there, and told him his dollar amount was incorrect, explaining that he’s charging me more than what was shown on the Agreement of Purchase and Sale.  Granted, in the scheme of things, the $84 discrepancy was minor, but regardless, I didn’t want to pay more than I rightfully owed.  Who would, right?  So we went back to his desk, I showed him my calculations, and he said he would go get this straightened out.  I waited patiently.

When he returned however, he stated that $732 is the correct amount owed, claiming that in addition to the $648 they forgot to charge me when I picked up the vehicle, they also forgot to charge me an $84 licensing fee.  I started to get annoyed at this point. I told him "I don’t care what other fees you forgot to charge me, I’m here to pay what we agreed upon in the Agreement of Purchase and Sale."  He replied that the licensing fee is never included in the Agreement, that it’s always owed after the fact, and that if I don’t pay it, it has to come out of his pocket.  Sorry, but that is not my issue.  Again, I told him that I was there to pay the $648 that was rightfully owed, nothing more, nothing less.  I pointed him to the line on the Agreement where it clearly stated “License Fee……. N/C”, and explained to him that the license fee had already been contemplated, and that there was no charge to me for that fee as stated.  I told him that if he’s going to sell cars for a living, he really needs to understand this stuff.  Becoming increasingly annoyed at the situation, I waited as we went to speak with his Manager.

Now the Manager’s “office” was nothing more than a tiny cubicle that just happened to be raised up about a foot higher than all of the Salesman’s desks, so I could hear the discussion very clearly.  Without even reviewing the paperwork, the Manager grunted “He’s got to pay the licensing fee!  Get him in here!!”.  With my feelings of annoyance quickly turning to anger, I stepped up into the Manager’s “office” and sat down.  Without shaking my hand or even introducing himself, he asked me what my problem was, and demanded that I pay the license fee.  My blood started to boil. I told him "The only reason I’m even here today is because I am an honest guy, and want to make things right", to which he replied “Well obviously you’re not, otherwise you’d just pay the fee!!”.  That was the wrong thing to say to me.

I’m normally a very mild mannered person, and anyone that knows me knows that profanity is not in my usual verbal repertoire.  I tend to treat swearing like a fine wine, only to be brought out on special occasions, but something about how this whole thing was going down and how I was being treated just set me off, BIG TIME!  I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST IT!!!!  I stood up and started yelling at him like I’ve never yelled before.  Oh, it wasn’t pretty. As we argued back and forth, the entire showroom stopped dead in its tracks.  I made sure everyone in the building knew exactly what I thought of this man and his attempt to rip me off.  A few people from the Service Department even came over to see what was going on.  Potential customers’ jaws dropped as I called the Manager a thief, and vetted my frustration so that all could hear.  “I’M NOT PAYING YOU A PENNY MORE THAN WHAT THE AGREEMENT SAYS I HAVE TO PAY.  HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A MONTH LATER AND TRY AND SQUEEZE MORE MONEY FROM ME THAN WHAT WE AGREED TO.  I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BE HERE, THIS WAS YOUR MISTAKE, NOT MINE!!  I’M AN HONEST GUY, I CAME HERE TO TRY AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT, AND HERE YOU ARE TRYING TO SCREW ME!!  WELL THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!  AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL ME THE DISHONEST ONE??  GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!!   THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR CUSTOMERS?!!  WHEN I SIGN MY NAME ON THE DOTTED LINE, THAT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME.  APPARENTLY THAT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO YOU!! 

Now you need to realize I’m really staring to enjoy myself by this point.  If swear words were glasses of that fine wine I mentioned earlier, I’d be passed out on the floor in a drunken stooper, so I just kept going…


It was quite the spectacle, and extremely out of character for me.  At this point, two other Salesman had to grab me by the arms and pull me out of the Manager’s “office”, steering me towards the large corner office, claiming that the Owner wanted to speak with me.  They sat me down with the hopes that I would cool off.  A few moments later the Owner walked into the office, introduced himself, and deeply apologized for the behaviour of his Manager.  He asked what the problem was, to which I offered my side of the story.  I let him know that I’m tempted to just walk out, and we can fight it out in court.  "I did not appreciate the tone of the Finance Manager’s voice message to me, where he made it sound like I’ve been avoiding him, and I certainly do not appreciate the Manager’s attempt to make me feel like I’m the dishonest one."  How he missed the exchange himself I’ll never know, but he called in the Salesman to ask if he witnessed the whole thing, and whether my claims about what the Manager said to me were true.  Not only did the Salesman provide confirmation, but also added assurance that he would never have treated a customer the way the Manager had treated me. 

The owner offered another sincere apology.  I told him I’ll pay $648, he can take it or leave it, and then I’m never coming back here again.  “This dealership quite frankly isn’t worth my time, and I’ll make sure everyone hears about how this place treats people.”  To his credit, he responded that he doesn’t like the thought of me leaving there unhappy, and wants to make this right, but then continued on, and encouraged me to use their Service Department for the routine maintenance of my new Jeep.  “Really?  You’re trying to convince me to spend more money at this dealership at a time like this?  Really?” 

He asked if I had just picked up the Jeep last night, to which I replied, no, I picked it up three weeks ago!  He was shocked!  He couldn’t believe they hadn’t caught this error until now, and even more shocked when I told him that at the time I picked up the vehicle, I had specifically questioned the Salesman about the amount owed, as I had suspected he wasn’t charging me the correct amount.  After an uncomfortable silence, he thanked me for my honesty, and for coming back in to take care of the discrepancy. 

At this point a man carrying the licensing fee receipt walked in wanting to show it to me, and explained how the whole licensing fee works.  I could clearly see that the dealership had to pay the $84.  I calmly thanked him for showing that to me, but explained that it doesn’t change anything.  “With all due respect, I don’t care what you paid for the licensing fee, that’s not my problem.”  I showed him my Agreement, and pointed out where it clearly says in black and white that there is no charge to me for the licensing fee.  It’s not like it said that this fee was to be determined.  It clearly said there would be no charge.  It doesn’t get any clearer than that.  Upon seeing this for apparently the first time, the Owner reacted “Oh, you’re right!  There should have been a charge under that line item, but there isn’t.  It looks like we made a mistake.  What a mess. {shaking his head}”  He deeply apologized again, completely acknowledged their error, and assured me that he would deal with the Manager immediately after we’re finished.  Now the Manager, who was outside listening in, tried to storm into the Owner’s office claiming that the $84 is still owed, to which I glared right into his eyes and loudly stated “HEY, THERE’S MY BUDDY!!  GONNA TRY TO FUCK ME UP THE ASS AGAIN, ARE YOU?!!!”  The owner immediately yelled at the Manager “GET OUT!!!  I’LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER!!!!”, before slamming the door on him.

The Owner repeatedly apologized, and I told him that "While I appreciate your apology, quite frankly this is no longer about the money.  $84 isn’t a big deal, but I’m still not going to pay it purely out of principle."  He agreed, and asked if I was still willing to pay the $648, to which I replied “yes”.  I wasn’t happy about it, but a deal is a deal, I was agreeable to paying it when I signed the deal in the first place, and remain agreeable to paying it now.  I am a man of my word, so I went ahead and paid it.  As soon as I left the Owner’s office, he immediately called the Manager in.  As we passed each other, I looked him in the eyes and said “HAVE A NICE DAY, FUCKHEAD!!”, and with that the Owner slammed his office door and started ripping in to the Manager.  It was fantastic.          

Have you ever had an experience where once it was all over, you replay everything in your mind, and start thinking about what you SHOULD have said instead?  For me, this is a rare case where I said EXACTLY what I wanted to say!  I have no regrets whatsoever, and despite the fact that my outburst was quite likely the topic of discussion at more than one dinner table that night, and I ended up at the dealership for my entire lunch hour, not just five minutes, I still love my Jeep!  As I drove out of the parking lot, I exchanged a “Jeep wave” with another Jeep owner, reassured myself that this unfortunate incident wasn’t going to tarnish my Jeep experience, and left my worries behind.  Or at least I thought I did until I started writing this blog post!!!  NOW I’M PISSED OFF AGAIN!!!!!!!  Have a nice day J

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Chuck Norris vs. Justin Bieber's Pants

I don’t tend to give a whole lot of thought to fashion, but it’s been getting harder and harder to sit idly by as I watch these atrocities happening around me.  It about time someone spoke up and told it like it is.  The truth is there are about 1% of the people in the world that look good no matter what they wear.  These are the people that others look up to, and try to emulate, figuring that if they wear the same items of clothing, they will somehow look the same.  The truth is, you won’t.  There’s a reason they are in magazines, and you aren’t.  They are the 1%, blessed with tight bodies and good looks that only the world’s best plastic surgeons, nutritionists, make-up artists, and photo editing experts can produce.  And then there are the rest of us.

Atrocity #1:  Skinny Jeans
If you’re one of those people that like to wear skinny jeans, I’ve got news for you… you look stupid.  Skinny jeans aren’t cool, they look ridiculous.  If you’re a guy who wears skinny jeans, you may as well just turn in your man-card right now.  Real men don’t wear skinny jeans.  Did John Wayne, a.k.a. “The Duke”, ever wear skinny jeans?  No.  Have you ever seen Chuck Norris wear skinny jeans?  Of course not.  In fact, he’ll punch you in the face for even just looking at them through the store window.  For women, it’s a little more forgivable, but I can’t tell you how many fat girls I’ve seen squeeze themselves into these jeans trying to make themselves look thinner.  Sorry girls, it’s not working.  If I can visually see the veins in your meaty thighs pumping with each strained beat of your heart, your jeans are too tight.  Way too tight. 

Atrocity #2:  Spandex
I’m not quite sure who we have to thank for Spandex, but I wouldn't doubt if Aerosmith and Motley Crue had something to do with it.  While originally intended as nothing more than workout clothing, Spandex has somehow managed to find its way into the realm of mainstream everyday clothing, and that’s really a shame.  Again, there is that 1% of people that can pull it off and look fantastic, unfortunately the remaining 99% are attempting to do the same, with resounding failure.  When you put on those Spandex pants, you may look in the mirror and think your body looks toned and 5 pounds lighter.  What the rest of the world sees however is your camel toe, underwear line, and ass dimples.  Please do us all a favour and just stop.

Atrocity #3:  Toques
If it’s not the middle of winter, and you’re not outside shivering in the sub-freezing temperatures, take that stupid toque off your head!  Hear that rappers?  That’s right, I’m talking to you!!  If you’re starring in a music video, covered in bling, and sitting around a pool in sunny California surrounded by all your bitches and ho’s, that toque you’re wearing is completely unnecessary, and just looks foolish.  There’s nothing cool about a toque.  A toque is something your grandmother knitted for you to wear to school when you were a kid, and if you recall, you’d take it off and throw it in your backpack the moment you were far enough away that your mother couldn’t see you anymore.  But no, toques have somehow managed to find their way into mainstream urban attire, which means in the middle of August whenever I go to the mall, I’ve got to look at a group of 14 year old white boys with their pants hanging around their ankles wearing toques and Raiders jackets, and over-using the word “Yo”.  If I had a kid that dressed like that, I’d pull the toque over his face so that nobody could tell who he was, kind of like that tall skinny kid in the Fat Albert cartoons.        

Atrocity #4:  Uggs
We’ve all seen them.  We all know what they look like.  Some of you may even own a pair.  You think they’re “comfortable”.  You think they keep your feet warm and toasty.  Yeah, well so do slippers, but you don’t see people wearing those in public.  The word “Uggs” is short for “UGLY”, it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.  Uggs are nothing more than a modern version of a chastity belt.  No woman is going to ever get touched by a man when she is wearing Uggs.  Uggs were invented by fathers to combat the outbreak of teen pregnancies, and guess what, its working.  Uggs are essentially man-repellent for your feet.  To make matters even worse, I’ve seen a few grown men wearing Uggs as well.  I hope your wife doesn’t get mad when she finds out you’re wearing her boots.  I’d recommend watching your back if you’re one of those guys, and be prepared for a flying roundhouse kick to the throat when Chuck Norris catches you. 

Atrocity #5:  Justin Bieber’s Pants   
As I watched the Much Music Video Awards this past Sunday evening, I looked forward to watching Canada’s pride and joy come home for a special performance.  While not necessarily a fan, I do find the kid’s journey to success very fascinating, and as one Canadian to another, wish him all the best with his career.  However, I couldn’t help but shake my head in disbelief as I witnessed what is surely to become “the next big thing” in urban teenage attire.  It is claimed by many that Justin Bieber is all grown up, yet there he was bouncing around on my television screen wearing what appeared to be his baby pants.  While I applaud the fact that the pants did actually come up to his proper waistline, the crotch section of his pants drooped down well below his knees, creating a web-like feature between his thighs every time he spread his legs.  Believe me, I’m not any more comfortable talking about Justin Bieber’s crotch and thighs than you are reading about it, but seeing as this is “the next big thing”, we’ve got to fight through the awkwardness if we hope to put a stop to this soon-to-be blossoming fashion trend.  Just when I thought (MC) Hammer-pants were gone for good, there was the Biebs, dancing around the stage in those ridiculous elastic pants with the nearly non-existent inseam, leaving barely enough room for a newborn Chihuahua puppy to run between his legs had one been in his vicinity at the time.  Yet millions of screaming girls around the world are in love with this guy, which means millions of teenage boys will soon be flocking to the malls to trade in their toques and Raiders jackets for these stupid droopy elastic pants.  Heed this warning though.  Regardless of the seemingly elastic nature of these pants, your range of motion will undoubtedly be compromised, proving not to be the least bit beneficial as you come to the realization that the man standing across from you in the darkened alley is none other than one angry Chuck Norris.  Maybe when you re-gain consciousness, you can use that extra crotch fabric to mop up your blood, girly man. 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Say What??

She arrived at the fast food restaurant counter, with baby in tow, ready to place her order.  It was at this moment that one thing became very much apparent… this woman of Asian descent could not speak English.  Using a series of grunts and noises, she extended her hand and began pointing to the menu board, trying to express to the man on the other side of the counter which items she wished to purchase.  Compounding the situation was the fact that the man on the other side of the counter was of East Indian descent, and also had a very limited grasp of the English language.

The confused and frustrated looks on their faces were priceless, as each attempted to figure out what the other was trying to say.  Seeing that she was pointing to the menu board, he looked up, and he too began to point.  Item by item, they went through the menu list.  He pointed, she shook her head and pointed again, as though her pointing somehow made more sense than his pointing.  Given that they were both barely 5 feet tall and were not even remotely within reach of the overhead menu board, this seemed about as effective as trying to point out a specific star in the sky on a clear night.  This one?  No, that one!

This continued on for several minutes, until the woman of Asian descent used what little English she did know to yell out “Oh My God!!”, before retreating back into her pointing and grunting.  Hearing this, the Manager hurried over to see if he could offer any assistance.  He too was of East Indian descent, and while he had a better grasp of the English language, that proved not to be of much value in this situation.  He verbalized the menu items one by one to see if anything would register with her. “Would you like pizza?” he asked.  She grunted and shook her head no.  “Would you like french fries?”  She once again grunted and shook her head no.  “Chicken wings?”  Nope that wasn’t it either.  On and on this went. 

After several more minutes of this, and with several patrons deciding to leave the line and go somewhere else for lunch instead of continuing to watch this debacle any longer, the woman finally managed to form a word, and said what sounded like “crispies”.  Several of us who stuck around to see how this whole thing would play out heard this, and looked at each other as if thinking “What the hell does crispies mean?”  The two East Indian men on the other side of the counter looked at each other the same way.  Figuring this went on long enough, the Manager reached behind him, grabbed a take-out menu and an order of small French fries, and handed them to the woman.  He told her they were on the house, "free!!" he exclaimed, and motioned for her to step aside.  While she may not have understood what he was saying, his arm motions were very clear...  He wanted her to move!

Famished from the ordeal, she accepted the offer, and made her way to a table to study the menu further, while she and her baby nibbled away on the French fries.  “Next order please!” yelled the Manager, as he walked away shaking his head, and handing the reigns back to the other little man behind the counter.  So I placed my order.  He got it wrong.  Letting out a deep sigh, I waited for the correction to be made.  As I waited, I looked around me, and came to a realization.  I really need to start packing a lunch.        

Friday, June 1, 2012

Itsy Bitsy Spider

The Itsy Bitsy spider climbed up the water spout.
Caught himself a bug, and sucked its innards out.
Spun another web, laid back and made a wish
Before the wind blew him off, and I stepped on him, squish.