For Children
Typical
Day:
Don’t take candy from strangers.
Halloween: Go take candy from strangers.
Typical
Day:
Just be yourself. You’re
great just the way you are!
Halloween: Don’t be yourself, that’s no good. Be someone different, someone way better and more
interesting than you’ll ever be.
Typical
Day:
You’re too young to wear make-up.
Halloween: Hey, you’re young, put on make-up.
Typical
Day:
Don’t eat too much sugar.
Halloween: EAT SUGAR!!
Typical
Day:
Come inside once it gets dark, I don’t want you wandering the streets.
Halloween: Go outside once it gets dark, and wander the streets.
Typical
Day:
Here, eat an apple, it’s good for you.
Halloween: Don’t eat that apple, it might not be good for you.
Typical
Day:
Don’t take that pillowcase outside.
Halloween: Here, take this pillowcase outside.
Typical
Day:
Candy is not good for you.
Halloween: Is that all you got?
Go out and get more candy!
Typical
Day:
Can you please pick up some eggs on your way home from school?
Halloween: Hey Bucko, where do you think you’re going with those eggs?
For Adults
Typical
Day:
Don’t dress too provocatively, you need to look respectful.
Halloween: Pfft… that’s not nearly slutty enough! You need to show more skin!
Typical
Day: I
hope the weather is nice today.
Halloween: I hope it’s cold and rainy so no kids come to my door.
Typical
Day:
Hmmm… chocolate is on sale… oh I better not…
Halloween: Hmmm… maybe I better buy another couple boxes of these
little chocolate bars, just in case an unexpected busload of children show up
at my door. It could happen you
know. It could.
Typical
Day:
This pumpkin will be a nice fall decoration on my porch.
Halloween: If I catch that little prick that smashed my pumpkin on my
driveway, I’m going to wring his freakin’ neck!!
Typical
Day:
It will be a cold day in Hell when you’ll see me wearing those green
tights.
Halloween: Honey, do you remember where I put my green tights?
Typical
Day:
Let’s turn on some lights, it’s too dark in here.
Halloween: Turn off the lights!
If the neighbourhood kids don’t think we’re home, maybe they won’t ring
the doorbell.
Typical
Day:
Rocky Horror Picture Show is a weird movie.
Halloween: “Let’s do the time warp again!!!!!!”
Typical
Day:
It’s not okay to scare small children.
Halloween: I’m gonna scare the shit outta those little fuckers!! It’s gonna be awesome!!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
No kiddin' eh! An interesting way to sum it all up!:)
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